English - Coursework Commentary

The common theme in both “The Handmaid’s Tale” and “The Motorcycle Diaries”, which I have echoed in both my fiction and non-fiction pieces, is the suffering and hope of an individual within the society they live in. While Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel – “The Handmaid’s Tale” – focusses on social hierarchy and the government’s control over its citizen’s lives, Ernesto Guevara’s memoir titled “The Motorcycle Diaries” looks at social injustices and his hope for a better future for South America.  My fiction piece, “Liberator”, is a short story told from the perspective of a man named “Eros” as he reflects on his life within “Deusled”. The name of the society he lived in is a neologism made up of the Latin term “deus”, meaning “God”, and “led” to show how the citizens are being led by a greater power – highlighting the strict ideology of this nation and linking back to “The Handmaid’s Tale”, in which religion is a reoccurring theme. Latin terms are used throughout my short story to create a theme of death as Latin is considered a dead language. Names of the divisions, “Pureperium”, “Operatur”, “Noctua”, “Solea” and “Aquila”, all link back to the role of the division: “Pureperium” being a neologism combining “pure” and the Latin term “puerperium” (meaning childbirth) highlights the purity associated with babies as well as indicating that members of this division are only allowed to engage in sexual intercourse for reproductive purposes, “Operatur” simply meaning “worker” as the people in this division are the society’s workers, “Noctua” translating to “owl” as owls are associated with wisdom and this division is responsible for educating the society, “Solea” meaning “horseshoe” which is a symbol for warding away prying eyes (a perfect representation of the role of a “Solea”), and “Aquila” meaning “eagle”, which is ironic as the eagle represents freedom within the USA (which is where my story is set, as hinted in the line “cross the border into a country she called Canada”) and the people in my short story have been stripped of their freedom. Names are important within my story, with the name of the narrator’s father figure (“Atwood”) paying homage to the author of “The Handmaid’s Tale” – Margaret Atwood; the narrator’s love interest’s name (“Lysandra”) meaning “liberator” and the narrator himself being named after the Greek God of love – “Eros” (symbolising the value of love to characters who aren’t allowed to mix with people outside of their divisions).

 

Not only does Eros’ name link to mythology and religion, but the theme is referenced throughout my work. My mention of “forbidden fruit” links directly back to the Garden of Eden and how, by Eve eating the fruit, evil was introduced to the world. Evil is also referenced in the line “Pandora’s Box had been opened”, suggesting that the characters’ rebellion has the potential to lead to more uprisings as they had released the idea into their society.

 

I drew heavy inspiration from George Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four”, from how Winston and Julia’s failure to rebel lead to them losing each other. In my short story, however, it’s the narrator’s success in his rebellion that causes him to lose his love interest “Lysandra” – her presence in the narrator’s life ultimately leading to his liberation from “Deusled”.

 

To create a contrast to the theme of death that runs through my work, natural imagery creates a theme of life. For example, the line “filtered sunlight trickling in like water from a tap – constant and cleansing” creates a sense of cleanliness as water is used for washing and when something has been filtered it has been removed of bacteria. In addition to this, the metaphor “blossoming within her womb” not only links directly to life as it announces the character’s pregnancy, but “blossoming” in nature suggests the growth of new plants.

 

To portray the discrimination displayed towards “Operaturs”, I stripped them of their humanity in descriptions (“A disease”, “a stray animal”). This shows a social hierarchy as it shows that the workers aren’t seen as being people while the rulers live “luxurious” lives. I also use the line “kept it on my bedroom windowsill” to indicate animalistic tendencies as the safest place for an animal is the place where they sleep as the lack of consciousness makes them vulnerable, so he is putting his most prized possession where he sleeps – in his bedroom.

 

My use of sentence lengths adds drama to my penultimate paragraph, with the complex sentence “we made it under the fence as the alarms sounded, sirens and lights, blinding reds and blues and the catch in my throat as she stumbled, crying out to me to keep going, to not look back or they'd catch us both” builds up drama and indicates panic as the narrator lists what was going on around him, while the simple sentences “I didn't stop. But her heart did. Our child wilted” build up the pace of the storyline as well as building up a triadic structure to indicate how many things were happening at once, portraying his confusion as he cannot focus on any one thing.

 

In my non-fiction piece, “Adults Versus Adulthood: Everything School Didn’t Teach Us”, I use sarcasm and humour to appeal to an audience looking for entertainment whilst trying to persuade them that the education system in the UK needs to change.

 

My simple sentence “Adulthood is a scam” to open my social commentary aims to draw in the reader, while my following complex sentence “You don't wake up on your eighteenth birthday in your very own detached house in the suburbs with a dreamy spouse, 2.4 children and an Instagram-worthy dog” sets the tone for the piece. I introduce the statistic for the global average number of children per family to indicate subject knowledge and thus show the reader that my commentary is a reliable source of information. I also include facts throughout – “As of 2019, the GCSE pass rate was 67.3%”, “people who, even at university level, have an attention span of just ten minutes”, “With two thirds of fourteen to sixteen year olds having no idea what political party is in power” – to show the reader that I know what I’m talking about.

 

Sarcasm, as used in the lines “Politics? Who's she? Mortgages? Aren't they a new item on the menu at McDonald's?”, “The only creativity permitted is finger paintings and pasta necklaces destined for the recycling bin”, and “Yes, people, we’re actually encouraging discrimination!” is designed to amuse the reader as well as highlight the pointlessness of the things that children are taught in schools. I drew inspiration from the writing style of Charlie Brooker, who’s known for his satire to highlight issues in a comical way, in order to appeal to my audience as well as criticising the education system.

 

I use inclusive pronouns such as “we” and “our” to draw in my audience. This persuasive technique allows readers to feel as though they are a part of something bigger than themselves, as well as allowing me to directly address them to create a sense of inspirational voice as I try to encourage change. I also use a personal voice through my use of the colloquialisms “God forbid” and “truckload” to create a relationship between the writer and reader, allowing my social commentary to feel more personal. Additionally, my use of rhetorical questions (“And what exactly do they learn?”, “wouldn’t you say that it’s about time to declare a state of national emergency?”, “So why can’t they?”) gives the reader the opportunity to reflect and think about what my piece discusses, as well as helping to make it more memorable.

 

To create foreshadowing, I used a semantic field of death through my use of verbs such as “drowning”, “choking” and “crying”, as well as symbolism such as “a lily, white, streaked with yellow” and “spilt paint that stained the floor red”. Lilies are generally used in funerals, and while white represents purity and innocence yellow is used to suggest danger within nature to warn away predators, and the red paint hints at blood staining the floor.

Looking at the theme of the hope and suffering of an individual within the society they live in has allowed me to gain an understanding of how words can be used to shape a text and portray emotion – with my short story focussing on the suffering of people being controlled by their government while my social commentary looks at my hope for a better education system in the future.

 

 Bibliography (non-fiction):

-        (2019). Total Fertility Rate 2019. Available: http://worldpopulationreview.com/countries/total-fertility-rate/. Last accessed 21st Nov 2019.

-        (2019). Education: Mean years of schooling. Available: http://data.uis.unesco.org/Index.aspx?queryid=242. Last accessed 22nd Nov 2019.

-        Richardson, H. (2019). GCSE results: Pass rates and top grades edge upwards. Available: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-49421275. Last accessed 22nd Nov 2019.

-        Stafford, T. (2012). Why are we so curious?. Available: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20120618-why-are-we-so-curious. Last accessed 22nd Nov 2019.

-        Archon, S. Why Children Hate School. Available: https://theunboundedspirit.com/hating-school/. Last accessed 22nd Nov 2019.

-        Richardson, H. (2010). Students only have '10-minute attention span' . Available: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8449307.stm. Last accessed 22nd Nov 2019.

-        Garner, R. (2005). Politics? Teenagers don't know and don't care. Available: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/politics-teenagers-dont-know-and-dont-care-486922.html. Last accessed 22nd Nov 2019.